39. La merde.

I feel really crap right now. When I came home at nine after a really great b's birthday party my parents were already fighting. They do that esspecially often nowadays. And about every little shit. After I came from a class trip (very happy obviously) they were there, fighing in the kitchen, my mum shouting that she wanted to get a divorce.

Today was the same thing. Just that I cried today and the day before I didn't, because I thought 'screw them, I'm happy, they're not going to ruin the day for me'. Oh but I was not happy. Oh no. And well now? I am pretty depressed really, I cry and listen to Hey because that what I do. And I pray that they will get back together and again form a strong pair and with us a loving family.

And the thing I need the most right now? A hug. A huge huge hug. But there is noone I can hug to make me feel better, noone. Everybody are at their homes or still at the party and shiiit. So, traditionally, when I feel down I write to l. He is the only person I thought of when I was sad. But he didn't write back. Either he doesn't like me, or he doesn't have his phone with him, or he doesn't have any cash. I hate myself for dumping all this trash on l. Because he really doesn't deserve it. Oh man, how he doesn't.

And the party? It was a long time since I had such a great time. Running, waving at passers-by, shouting, laughing, singing, fitting into one toilet all at once (I will show you the photos once I get them) and all that shit that stupid teenagers like us do. And I've met p, a guy with a dog, hahah! He's a nice guy, but can hardly make me smile. But well, he's dog... HIS DOG IS FABULOUS! hahah. (; I am having such a great time remembring this. Such a good time that almos all my tears dried.

And I decided. If l writes back tomorrow I'll tell him I need to see him. And that I miss him, becuase that's possibly true and the reason I'm never fully happy.