I'm asleep, I'm lost a bit
Disolved in mist"
Today when I came from school I had dinner. While we had dinner I had upset my mum. She started shouting those terrible, TRUE things about me. She starts this kind of thing more and more often, everytime I say something stupid. She says I don't regret things I should. She says I'm a bitch. She wishes I will end up poor with noone but myself.
I am pretty sure that will happen. My first reaction to those words is always the same: 'huh' I say. Later it starts to grow on me, it grows so much that I find the need to stop everything I'm doing and lay on the floor, cry while listening to Postcard from An Airport and I'd Like To Die of Love. With those songs my tears come naturally, esspecially when I'm sad.
When I cry, what makes me even sadder is the fact that I don't have a shoulder I could cry on. So I cry on the floor.
So I laid there, singing, with my hair getting wet from all the tears I cried. At that moment I really start to think "I suck". But later on the sadness wears of a little. I begin to think to myslef: 'I am too weak too do anything about it. Let me just be happy with what I should be happy about'. And just like that I forget everything. Why I was so down in the first place. I shouldn't. Right now I'm trying to change that. Usually, when the next row comes, my mother says the same things more harshly, because I didn't get it the first time.
But this time I will. I really hope I will.
'Very misterious is the land of tears' - Le Petit Prince
No comments:
Post a Comment