60. Here it is.

I'm scared to the bones. I feel like, I dunno, my whole life's depending on it, and, well, it kindda is.
Since the day we visited ILO i had doubts about the school, when I decided that all that I've been focused on the few past months had complete and utter bullshit.
So i talked to k and she told me everything I needed to know about her school. I don't want to exaggerate but this school is all I will ever need. The class is called "medical bilingual" which means we'll be learning everything in 2 languages - english and polish. + they're teaching there russian (to which lately I have developed a kind of a "crush" for), spanish (isn't it obvious?) and french (which I also love with all my heart).
The school required a little over 140 points and I have doubts, you know, will I get in?
The one thing I really hate about LO is that, i, um, well, thought that it wouldnt be such a WIEŚ! Maybe the intelectual level is different but the way they behave is no different from Drzewna, k obviously knew this before me. Oh! And another thing! If I go there I will be obliged to see the stupid faces of a and l, d and other people I don't ever wanna see again.
And Gdansk, well is a different perspective.
It's very very different, from what k had said, it's another world.
And by the way, I told you I love big cities like, new york, right? that it's my dream. and gdansk IS a big city, one of the biggest around anyway.

that's why it means so much to me, you know? that's why i was repeating over and over again "testy, testy, testy". Because I am really really scared.

Also, that's why I'm trying to be so quiet about it. Because if something goes wrong, not am I only going to suffer but also see the people look at me with pity and say something like "I knew she wouldn't get in" behind my back.

So I will try visualisng, ya? *white rats with red eyes, white rats with red eyes...*

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